A few more characters, back by popular demand:

Habib: Originally from Bangladesh, Habib is a rigid Muslim (his only experience with alcohol was a disastrous one several years ago and since then he has stayed true to the faith and away from the poison), who has been living in England for seven years, manages the Prince of India with grace and hospitality (I should add that the Prince of India is a restaurant, not a...oh nevermind). Habib is currently in a state of wild excitement since next month he moves to Michigan to be reunited with his wife to be, who is living there now. Their situation is unusual and exciting to him, as theirs is a Love Marraige, and not the more commoin Arranged Marraige. He talks with touching fondness about his bride to be, and with excitement about the marraige ceremony and his new life. He is extremely engaging and entertaining.

Anjay: The Polish Head of Maintanence at the spa, a loud and enthusiastic jokester who struggles with English but is wonderfully friendly and upbeat. He is in a bit of a bind because the spa have not seen fit to give him any staff, so he squeezes himself in with the gardening crew, who are not thrilled.

Jenna: The PA of MD Bernie who I mentioned before (for those of you who don't have a real job like us, PA means personal assistant and MD means managing director), Jenna is the ultimate hard-ass who is obeyed by everyone. Her dog is a massive Alsatian, who obeys her meekly. Her husband is a hero of the military in Afghanistan, who also obeys her meekly. She is fiery, intense, and utlimately very sweet, but not the ideal person to have ordering you to "Lift that cupboard and move it to my office (a mile away). NOW!"

Three Nameless Clacton Girls: Acosted us on the train and proceeded to ask whether we were married, how old we were, whether we knew Miley Cyrus personally, why we would ever come to Clacton, why we would ever want to travel the world, and a million other annoying and bizarre questions we had to answer in the short train ride. Although these 13-year-old nightmares seem absurd to us, no one here seems remotely surprised by our description.

Stuart: Another one of the garden blokes, Stuart is a quiet but humorous tower of strength and ingenuity, who can reverse the tractor uphill at 50 miles an hour, can lift or fix or build anything, and doesn't take any bullshit. Nor should he.

Celvin: The extremely good-natured member of the Garden crew who seems to see through each and every flaw in the vast scheme that is building this place. He asks the questions that no one wants to ask like: Where do they expect people to park now they have dug up the parking lot? and Why are there 35 cleaning ladies cleaning an empty hotel? He should really be on the management team, or at least be hired out for consultancy, but for now he keeps everyone laughing on the very skeptical garden team.

The Cleaning Ladies: Now I know I have been making everything sound light and easy here, but it is not. We have adverseries. Enemies. The 12 Cleaning Ladies. Now as I mentioned above, these cleaning ladies are surplus in the first place in an empty building, but they show up every morning right as we are going to work, and crowd into the kitchen for six cups of tea (there is no work to do, remember?). They force us (trying to throw together some meager breakfast) OUT of the kitchen, and then proceed to glare at us and quickly busy themselves re-cleaning every spotless thing we try to use: toilet, shower, kitchen, even door handle. They are constantly outsmarting us, with a combination of superiority, hostility, and wicked cleverness. Today they even took apart the little singing birthday card Casey had recieved from home. Oh yes, it is WAR. I should add a little conversation I had with one of them:
"So what do you do?"
"We work in the garden mostly."
"Oh....a gardener" [End of conversation, she supercilious and viciously derogatory when she says "gardener"]
In my head: You. Are. A. Cleaning. Lady.

Boris: But it's not all bad news, at least we have Boris, Jan's psychopathic and hilarious Jack Russell, who keeps everyone going in the garden. Jan introduces him as "the real head gardener."

I will add one more thing. And that is about the radios. Each member of the garden crew has one, and the management team has a few. These conversations, though they are meant to be official, are one of the ways everyone keeps the humor going and the work not going. Here are a few conversations.

Louise: Why has the water stopped running in the shed?
Celvin [As rain pours down from the heavens]: Drought?

Jan [After a shipment of beer is delivered to the restaurant]: Stuart, has that beer been delivered?
Stuart: Whaaad dijoo sayy?

Bernie, MD [After a load of furniture has come in]: Gardening crew, come in.
Gardening crew: silence.

Bernie, MD: Jan, where have those two American boys gone? I need help moving furniture.
Jan: I don't know who you are talking about. I haven't got anyone I can spare. [Thank you Jan]

Anjay: YANOUSH! [Very loudly yelling into radio the Polish version of Jan's name]
Jan: [Long pause] Hi again Anjay.